Tuesday was a dhuh day.

Tuesday was a dhuh day. My brain was in a total fog. I had not slept well the night before and was not my usual wide awake self.    I was on my way to work when I realized my gas light was on.  I had no idea of how long the light was on.  Could be minutes or days.  The light is hidden by the way I hold the wheel.  I just happened to look down at the right time and realized it was on.  Just great.  So I figure out where the next gas station is and think I "should" have enough gas to make it there.  Four blocks later I pull into the lot and turn off the key.  Then  I see the little pieces of paper they have taped to the tanks.  NO GAS..... SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE .  A man comes over to assist me and tells me the nearest gas station is about 20 or so blocks away. Great!  Keeping my fingers crossed that I had enough gas, I hit every red light on my rush to get there.  I was  sure that I was coasting along on fumes when I pulled into the gas station with working pumps.  I cosy up to the pump, turn off the key and get out of the car.  Unbelievable!  I am on the wrong side.  SIGH. Over and over in my head, I am saying "pacer passenger, pacer passenger" because the pacer car we had before also had the gas tank on the passenger side and this is a memory reminder for me.  Or at least it is suppose to be. Our van has the gas tank on the opposite side so my mantra usually works.  Apparently not that day. Anyway,   I get back in the car, pull around and stop, get out and again I am in the wrong position. I do this one more time before I  finally have the gas tank and the pump lined up .in the right position.  It is early.  I am tired and am really thinking how badly I need a coffee.  There are no other vehicles around. Mine is the lone car in a huge parking lot.  I know, for a fact, that the clerk in the store has been watching me drive around and around the  lot, pulling up in the wrong position and then driving around to try it again. He must have thought I was a  total air head. I must say that he was very professional when I went in to pay. He didn't laugh at me right away,  He waited until I laughed and said  to him that it was going to be one of those days.  Then he laughed and said "Ya think?"   SIGH!!  Tuesday was a dhuh day.

 

Stupid People

Today I had a conversation with another stupid person. I had my telephone head set on and I don't think the customer could hear me bouncing my head off the steel file cabinets, although I am sure I heard her mumble something about a bad connection.
Here is the conversation, such as it was.
Me: Acme Printing. How may I help you?
SP: Hi! This is stupid person and I need to get some printing done.
Me: OK, have we done anything for you before?
SP: Yes.
Me: Can you give me more information on that job?
SP: Don't you have it?
Me: Well, I could look it up if you could give me your name.
SP: Don't you keep files or something?
Me: Yes, but the job would be filed under your name and you haven't told me your name yet.
SP: I would think that you would keep files of jobs you print.
Me: Gritting my teeth....Yes, we do have files BUT I need your name to look the file up. That how we file the job dockets...BY....YOUR....NAME.
SP: Oh!..............So you need the name that is on my invoice from last time?
Me: Yes!
SP: Well I have it right here.....rustle...rustle...rustle....
Me: OK...?!?!?!
SP: Well......do you need it now??.......
Me: It would make it easier to find the docket, yes.
SP: Oh....well my name is Stupid Person.....that's what's on the invoice.
Me: OK then.....let me take a look and see if I can find the docket..........
SP: I only had this job done a few weeks ago. I don't understand why you can't just look it up on your computer.
Me: I can and I will but I need to pull the docket out first for any other information that I might need like the spelling of your name and phone number and addre..........
SP: (Interrupting me) You need my phone number?
Me: Yes.
SP: Why?
Me: So I can call you when the job is ready for pickup.
SP: Oh...rustle rustle rustle...the number isn't on the invoice I have from the last time.
Me: Has it changed from the last time?
SP: No.
Me: Well.....if you don't know your number it will be on or in the docket from the last job.
SP: Are you sure?
Me: Did someone call you to come in to pick up the last job when it was ready?
SP: Yes.
Me: Then trust me, your phone number is in the last docket somewhere.
SP: Oh........well I'm not sure if you have my cell number or home number....
Me: Does it matter which one I call?
SP: No......
Me: Then I'll just call whatever number is on or in the docket when I find it.
SP: OK.....so you'll phone me? In a few days?
Me: I will call as soon as the order is ready to pick up. (I have found the docket by this time)
So you wanted an exact repeat of the last job.
SP: Yes everything is exactly the same.
Me: Great, we will go ahead with the job.
SP: So your going to get me this and that.
Me: Yes and the other thing as well.
SP: I don't want the other thing this time, I only need this and that.
Me: OK so it's a repeat job with one small change.
SP: No.....there aren't any changes.....I want the same as last time. It should be on the docket.
Me: Oh....(sounding confused I am sure) so you do want this, that and the other thing?
SP: Yes, I want this and that.
Me: But not the other thing?
SP: No, I don't need the other thing this time.
Me: OK......you want this and that.
SP: Yes.
Me: Same quantities as last time.
SP: Yes, exactly the same but no other thing this time.
Me: OK, so 500 this and 500 that.
SP: No...I only need 250 of each.
Me: (my head is starting to hurt...could be the steel file cabinets...)
So 250 of this and 250 of that but no other thing. Do I have it right?
SP: Yes....exactly what I said the first time.
Me: Trying to breath deeply and slowly.....OK then..........someone will call as soon as it is ready.
SP: What number will they call?
Me: (At this point I am mumbling because my teeth are clenched so tightly) What number do you want them to call?
SP: It doesn't matter.......well......maybe they.....no it doesn't matter......
Me: Why don't we call both?
SP: Can you do that?
Me: Yes we are able to do that.
SP: Nah.....just call my moms house and she'll let me know you called.
Me: OK...what is her number?
SP: Don't you have it?
Me: Did you give it to us last time? I don't see it on any of the paperwork.
SP: No....why would I give you my mom's number? I don't live there. Jeez! There is no way I want her to know about this project...I won't hear the last of it. Don't even get me started on my mother. God!!! Whatever you do....Don't call her!!!
Me:(Not taking any breaths, lying through my teeth and speaking very, very quickly and not giving her a chance to interrupt me) IWon'tCallYourMomBecauseIDon'tHaveHerNumber
AndIAmSorryButI'mAloneInTheOffice
AndTheOtherLinesAreRinging
AndThereIsSomeoneAtTheFront DeskSoIReallyHaveToGoNow
AndSomeoneWillCallTheNumbersWeHaveOnFile
FromYourLastJobOrYouCanPhoneInNextWeek
ToSeeIfYourOrderIsReadyToPickUp.....
at this point I had to stop and get air but didn't do it fast enough...
RATS!....she started speaking before I could spit the words "goodbye and have a nice day" out.
SP: When should I call?
Me: Monday or Tuesday.
SP: OK.... I'll call in then. I'll ask for you. What's your name?
Me: Sorry but I won't be in.You need to ask for the salesperson or the office cohort. I'm off Monday and Tuesday. But I will let them both know that you will be calling and they can deal with you at that time.
SP: You get Monday and Tuesday off?
Me: Yes we are only working four day weeks and they owe me a day so I am taking Tuesday off.
SP: Jeez....must be nice to get a long weekend every week! Wish I worked there! Any openings? ha...ha......OK, well thank you and I hope you have a good weekend. Bye!
Me: Trust me, I will have a great long weekend. Thank you for calling. Good bye!
She hangs up and I move from the file cabinets to my desk where I commence hitting my head on the desk. My office cohort looks over grins and says "So is it a repeat job or not?"
Ha....ha....funny girl!
The salesperson walks into the office and sees me banging my head and asks,"Which stupid person was that?" When I tell her, she gives a brilliant smile with her perfect white teeth, she flips her perfectly beautiful long hair back, turns her skinny body around and says over her shoulder, as she walks back out of the office on legs that I would kill for, "Thank goodness you're dealing with her this time."
Ha...ha...ha...another funny girl.
I stop banging my head and start typing up the docket.
NOTE ON DOCKET: Customer must pick up Monday...Tuesday the very latest. Be sure to put her phone number on the invoice. When she picks up the order be sure to confirm with her that we have the correct quantities and items. Also...ask her how her mother is.

Cranky Pants

I am not normally a Cranky Pants. I am usually in a good mood and relatively happy. But even I have down days. Most of December was a down day for me but I am feeling much better because of lots of rest and lazy do-nothing weekends. This blog entry was started back at the beginning of October after a very tired me overslept, was late getting to work and then had a very tired and frustrating day. I decided to hold, edit and post it after I had time to calm down and get some sleep. Since then I have had at least a week or more of days of dealing with stupid people. So I have complied a whole lot of blogs into this one. Bear in mind that I was not a Cranky Pants everyday since the beginning of October. I had a lot more of really good days than bad ones along the way.
CRANKY PANTS.......
I am very tired and when I get very tired I get very cranky. I turn into a real Cranky Pants. When I am this tired everything makes me cranky. The old lady that I almost hit this morning made me cranky. Could she not have gone down a half block to the lights? What was she thinking of trying to cross a busy road during morning rush hour traffic while using a walker? Do brains go somewhere else when you get old? Grrrr..... Even the way people put things in my in-box irritate me. Can't they put the paper in straight? Why do they need to put it in so it isn't even and it is technically sideways? Stupid people! (Not Sheila my office cohort.) Stupid customers also call into the office and tell me it is my fault that their order is not ready. Yes, I went out and told the guys in the shop to stop the presses and not run that particular job. Really, I am that mean. It seems I did that even though I don't remember doing it. It's often been said the customer is always right. Ya....and I am the Popes handmaiden too! Then there's the stupid salesman that phones in and tries to get through to my boss. Does this person think I am a stupid person too? If he doesn't let me know who he is and what he wants he is not going to talk to my boss. I won't put him through. That's part of my job. Screening my bosses telephone calls is what I do. The salesman is a stupid person! There is customer who walks in off the street and wants this job done, NOW, not in two days and not in one day but NOW! Apparently I am to put every other job aside and do this persons order NOW! I am sure that our regular customers will understand why we are dropping everything for the newbie...ya......right!
What I need to do is go back to bed for a day or so and get my Cranky Pants some sleep. Then maybe I will be able to smile at the old lady in the middle of the road and stop my car and help her across and I will turn my inbox sideways to accommodate those people who put the paper in sideways. I will tell customers that it IS my fault that their job is not ready, because I should have known that they needed it yesterday and I should have known that the file they sent was corrupted. I will tell the salesperson that he can talk to my boss whenever he wants to and I will give him my bosses cell and home phone numbers as well. It doesn't matter that I will probably loose my job over this....anything to keep the salesperson happy! As for the customer who walks in and who we will probably never do a job for again, I will just explain to our long term customers that this yahoo is more important than they are and that's just the way it is. If I am not fired from giving my bosses home number out, by the time our long term customers talk to my boss and he gets done with me , I am sure that I will be.
But it won't matter because the customer is always right.
Now, if you believe all of this you should look at some waterfront property I have for sale.
Please ignore the name on the paperwork. Someone obviously made a mistake on it when they were typing in the information. I will have to talk to their boss about them and possibly have them fired as it is obvious that they must have had on their cranky pants.