Monday, November 16, 2015

Just Let Her Be.

Well I lasted until today, approximately 6 weeks, before I contacted my mom again.  Six weeks ago she was rushed to hospital after a blood sugar drop  She was aware of what was going on but could not do anything about it.  She could not even reach up t hit her medic alert necklace.  A pot on the stove burned dry and set off the fire alarm, which alerted her neighbours, after one hour of constant ringing, that something was wrong.  Both of moms doors had been left unlocked because she had forgotten to lock them.  This was a good thing so no doors needed to be battered down and later replaced.  They whisked mom off to the hospital and three days later released her.  She's fine, they said. No problem.  She is very capable of living by herself.  There is no medical or lawful reason to have her go  into assisted living. We, the kids, have NO leg to stand on.  She is, she told us not leaving her apartment.  We can't make her.  She could sue us if she wanted to.  This is, unfortunately true.  The law is on her side.  While all of this was happening I spoke to one of her doctors and while doing so I started crying.  I told him that I could not go through another bout of this arguing with my mother. His response was" Back Away.  Tell your mother what you are doing and why you are doing it then walk away AND DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT with her.  Stay firm.  If not you will drive yourself into a mental hospital."  I did it.  No contact of any kind for six weeks.  I miss my mom.  I like her.  I do love her very much.  I made myself sick at Thanksgiving (beginning of October for us Canadians) because I didn't have her in.  That was the fist time in seven years. I was making myself so sad not speaking to her.   Today I broke down and called her.  She is doing OK.  There is still a bug problem in the apartment and she  still is to see that as a problem.  I actually lasted for almost ten  minutes before I told her that I loved her and rang off. God, this is so hard to do.  She's my mom and I want her safe and clean without living with bugs in a dump. The doctor and one of her case workers told me that it is her choice to live like that and only she can make the choice or not, to change her situation. So, I will speak to her on occasion make sure she is OK and will run errands or whatever if need be for her.  But I will keep my own mental health sane and will not fall back to the spot I was last year, taking extra happy pills (anti depressants) and crying in the shower and car because I felt so helpless concerning moms living situation.  I have got to stand firm in my resolve that she chooses to live like this and I have to learn to just let her be.

1 comment:

Marilyn Miller said...

Good luck! Having elderly parents is often very difficult. My MIL was like this and we worried, but could do nothing until she almost died and then my husband and sister in law were able to move her to a retirement center. Whew! She accused them of tricking her into moving. Not easy, but it sounds like you are doing what you need to do for you on sanity. Good for you.