Friday, September 25, 2015
AN EARLY GRAVE
My mother is 86 years young and she is a hoarder, or as she say's, a collector. Not a true hoarder in the sense that her life is in danger because you cannot get around in the apartment, but there is stuff / junk / garbage EVERYWHERE! There is not one surface in her apartment that is not piled with stuff. We, my hubby John, my brother Conrad and his wife Sue and my sister Alison, otherwise known as 'the kids", would like her to move into a nice retirement home. Not a nursing home. Mom does well on her own and does not need that level of care yet. But in a retirement home, she would have lots of company (she is very social), her room and living areas would be clean, she would not have to cook and there would be people around to keep an eye on her. She uses a walker, is going deaf and is legally blind. Mom has diabetes which has been giving her real problems over the last few years, and she has heart problems and major problems with her legs. We worry, constantly, about her falling or having a low sugar drop or having a heart problem when nobody is around. We all work. I am a half hour drive away from mom's apartment.. Allie is about fifteen minutes away, and Conrad and Sue are five minutes away. I thank God for those two, especially Sue. She is the one who takes mom grocery shopping, for haircuts and to the pharmacy. She has mom over for supper at least once a week. I try to be the one to get mom to her doctor's appointments and will go to wherever I am needed as often as I can. Allie will do whatever she is asked to do but she works really long early (starts at 4AM) hours. We all try to be good kids. Mom is oblivious to what we, especially what Sue, does for her. It's as if Mom expects us to do whatever for her without question. She rarely says thanks and doesn't buy a well deserved gift card (for Sue) once in a while. She does not offer gas money ever. Grrrrr....she is a very frustrating woman. She will not clean her apartment. She lives in a bug infested dump because she refuses to move because she will not spend any more money on rent. She has the money but she would rather spend it on more junk that she really does not need. Don't get me wrong. I don't care what mom buys. It's her money and she can spend it however she wants. But we, would like to get her out of the dump and into somewhere nice. All without upsetting her. We were all at her place last night to try to clean and move stuff as the corporation that owns the building is having a bug company come in to spray. We threw out massive amounts of stuff , aka garbage, and did not make much of a dent. Although now you can see the kitchen counter. I don't know how long that will last. I give it till Sunday the latest before it is piled with junk again.Mom refused to let us move out the table or clean the 3 cupboards that surround the tale. I will go back Sunday to try to get more done. The amount of bugs was disgusting. It didn't seem to matter how many we killed they just kept coming. I wish the owners would give mom an eviction notice and force her to move. I think that is the only way out of this situation. We all , love mom very much but there is only so much we can do. She is very much of sound mind. She is not confused. She is not dimmed minded. She is an intelligent woman. She keeps herself clean and well dresses. With all that being said she is also a very stubborn person. She absolutely refuses to see there is a problem living the way she does. We have had the powers that be come in assess, interview and work with her. They say she is a normal senior who is very capable of choosing where and how she lives and how she keeps her living space, hoarding and all. We have no legal recourse. Our hands are legally tied. All we can do is try to keep her safe long as we can. We all love her but our mother will drive us to an early grave.