Wednesday, February 24, 2010

How to have a heart attack in the kitchen.

I have always maintained that domestic chores will someday be the death of me. This true story proves my point. This is my way of having a heart attack in the kitchen.
1: Decide, at 8 o'clock in the evening, to make strawberry milkshakes while watching the Canada/Russia hockey game playoff for Team Canada to be able , if they win, to go to the final game for a chance at gold in the 2010 Winter Olympics.
2: Go down to freezer, change the laundry over to the dryer, hang up wet jeans....while checking for sneaky spiders,... then put another load of laundry into the washer, feed baby cat Oscar again, go back to the freezer and get the ice-cream which was your whole point in going downstairs to start with, start up the stairs, go back down and over to the turn off the light....yell upstairs to Hubby John who is in the back family room and is yelling something to someone, .... "John if your yelling at me I can't hear you....

John,I Can't Hear You .... JOHNICAN'THEARYOU!!!! ..... get distracted and feed Baby Cat Oscar for the third time this evening.....and then ....finally.... go back up the stairs and into the kitchen.
3: Go to the fridge freezer and get frozen strawberries and ice cubes out and then open the fridge to get milk out and set everything on the counter by the microwave....go back into the fridge to get some strawberry jam and set it on the counter too. Yell back at Hubby John, who is still in the back room, and who is yelling at me or someone else, something about missing the game or the net ...."OK I heard you!" ..... "Yes I Heard You!".... "YESIHEARDYOU!!"
3: Move the blender from the counter by the window to the counter by the microwave because it's easier to move just the blender rather than all the ingredients for the shakes.
4: Double check to make sure you got everything you need and discover the ice-cream scoop is missing. Check out both drawers and find the scoop in the back under a soup ladle. What the heck is it doing there??? Close the drawer and open up ice-cream container and then dump melted ice water out of the bowl.
5: Notice that you haven't plugged in blender.
6: Plug in blender BEFORE you REALIZE the lid and lid plug are inside the glass bowl of the blender and the speed control button is NOT in the OFF position.
7: Jump 4 feet in the air while clutching your chest and saying to Baby Cat Oscar (who has come into the kitchen to see what you're doing), """Cheese on bread.... Oh my god....
!!!!!**&&%%++##@@!!%%$$******" then frantically pull the plug on the blender out of the wall socket while still clutching your chest.
8: Lean against counter with shaky knees, while trying to get your heart beat down to a more reasonable rate so you can take out and check over the lid and plug that you always leave in the blender bowl but usually remove BEFORE you push the speed control button.
9: Rinse the teeny, tiny plastic pieces that got ground off the lid and plug, out of the glass blender bowl, then also rinse the "still-almost-like-new-except-for-a few-nicks", lid and plug.
10. Check to make sure blender is on OFF position, plug in, add milk, mostly melted ice-cream, frozen strawberries, jam and more ice-water than ice-cubes. Put plug in lid and lid on blender and hit the start button.
And there you go! Yummy strawberry milkshakes to sip while watching Canada ....finally.... after 50 years, win over Russia, in the Olympics. Along with one pair of knees that have stopped shaking and one heart that is still going strong despite having a heart attack in the is good.


Tolentreasures said...

I laughed...but it is with you, not at you. I have done so many similar things. It is good to know I am not alone. And they won the hard to take sides for us Pittsburgh people in that one. We were all just a little bit Canadian for one game.

Lois said...

That's Ok Cathy! Anyone who wants to be a Canadian, even if for just a little while, is always welcome!