Saturday, August 09, 2008

I told you so.

I hate spiders! With a passion. They really, really freak me out. A few months ago I told Hubby John there was a big one wandering around in the basement. Me complaining about spiders is an on-going event in our house so Hubby John, listened to my complaint, I think, with only one ear. And it was his bad one at that. Oh well.....such is my life. Now sometimes on rare occasions I have the pleasure of saying "I told you so" to Hubby John. Not too often mind you, but once in a while. Also once in a while I have some unwanted excitement in my life. When it happens unexpectedly I DO NOT ENJOY IT! Last night was such an occasion for both of these.
I was on my way out of the basement bathroom and Hubby John was on his way in. He had closed the door and I had turned to go towards the stairs when I FROZE!
OH!! MY!! GOD!!!!!!!
There was one of the biggest spiders I have ever seen in my house, sitting on the wall. I swear it looked like it had the legs of a tarantula! I didn't move. You see, sometimes if you move they will see your shadow and will head towards you. I knew my best line of defense was to stand perfectly still and yell for hubby John.
Now you must remember that I am, at this moment in time, in a very panicked state. I started yelling...loudly...very loudly.....very,very loudly. Hubby John was, I am sure, rolling his eyes and thinking (to himself, smart man that he is) "for gods sake; can't I have 5 minutes of peace and quiet and sit down and read a good book without interruption?"
This is how the conversation went.
L: OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!
HJ: What did you say? (The bathroom fan was on and it's loud and Hubby John is hard of hearing)
L: OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!
HJ: What's wrong??
L: OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!
HJ: LOIS, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG?? (He is now starting to sound concerned)
L: You have to come out here!!! ...... NOW!!!!
HJ: (Big sigh!!!!!) Why?
L: Hon, there is a gigantic spider here... OH MY GOD!!! I think it's moving!! I told you there was a big one in the basement and you didn't believe me. JOHN YOU NEED TO COME OUT HERE NOW....RIGHT NOW.....HURRY, IT'S STARTING TO MOVE AGAIN!!!!!!!!
HJ: Yeah Right! It's probably just a little baby spider. Your always saying they're big and they're not. Stop being such a baby. What a wuss you are.
L: JOHN I REALLY REALLY NEED YOU TO COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW PLEASE RIGHT NOW... HURRY UP... IT'S MOVING AGAIN!!!
HJ: Oh for gods sake. grumble...grumble....grumble....
The bathroom door opens and Hubby John is there holding what looked like to me one single teeny tiny piece of toilet paper.
HJ: (in a very patronizing tone) OK where is it? I'll protect you from the big bad spider.
I really think he was laughing at me. I took advantage of him stepping in front of me to run to the stairs. I figured the spider now had Hubby John in it's sights and I was safe. You see, the rule when it comes to spiders is every woman, man and/or child for themselves.
HJ: Okay lets see this little bitty spider. WOW! Holy s--t! It's big. That is one huge spider!
He heads over towards the wall on which the spider is silently sitting, waiting, lurking.......
L: What are you doing? Don't try to squish it in the toilet paper! You don't have enough! It will bite you. Use your moccasin to kill it. OHHHHHHHH!!! LOOK OUT....IT'S MOVING....
At this point Hubby John, who was wise enough to listen to me and had taken off his moccasin, hits and squishes the gigantic spider. I stand shuddering on the stairs as he used the little piece of toilet paper to clean the dead spider mess of the bottom of his moccasin. He headed back into the bathroom and flushed the offenders remains. Hubby John then stuck his head out the bathroom door and looked at the wall.
HJ: S--T! I can't believe the size of that spider! I don't think I've ever seen one that size in the house before.
He then closed the door to resume his reading.
I headed upstairs on shaking legs, with an upset stomach, feeling really slimy and yucky and grumbling to myself about not being taken seriously and thinking how one of the cats could have been spider food had the spider gotten away and was still hiding down there and how it probably had given birth to a whole slew of little baby spiders that were lurking around somewhere waiting, silently to avenge their mama's murder. Great! Just what I need. More spiders to worry about. But then again now maybe when I tell Hubby John that there is a spider the size of a tarantula in the basement he will believe me. Hmmmmmm.......nah.....probably not.
The only good part of tonight's excitement besides the dead spider is that I have the satisfaction of knowing I was right and Hubby John was wrong and I can say...."I told you so!"

2 comments:

Jaime said...

Ha! I could picture it happening while reading your words... too funny! What I don't understand is how you can scoop a daddy long legs up without flinching but a teeny tiny thick legged one flips your world upside down... you are a strange but beautiful woman.

Two Peas In a Pod said...

I love those I told you so moments. This was a funny story, but for some people very scary when confronted by something they are scared of. I too could see this in my mind as it played out.
Cheers Kyla