Just Let Her Be.

Well I lasted until today, approximately 6 weeks, before I contacted my mom again.  Six weeks ago she was rushed to hospital after a blood sugar drop  She was aware of what was going on but could not do anything about it.  She could not even reach up t hit her medic alert necklace.  A pot on the stove burned dry and set off the fire alarm, which alerted her neighbours, after one hour of constant ringing, that something was wrong.  Both of moms doors had been left unlocked because she had forgotten to lock them.  This was a good thing so no doors needed to be battered down and later replaced.  They whisked mom off to the hospital and three days later released her.  She's fine, they said. No problem.  She is very capable of living by herself.  There is no medical or lawful reason to have her go  into assisted living. We, the kids, have NO leg to stand on.  She is, she told us not leaving her apartment.  We can't make her.  She could sue us if she wanted to.  This is, unfortunately true.  The law is on her side.  While all of this was happening I spoke to one of her doctors and while doing so I started crying.  I told him that I could not go through another bout of this arguing with my mother. His response was" Back Away.  Tell your mother what you are doing and why you are doing it then walk away AND DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT with her.  Stay firm.  If not you will drive yourself into a mental hospital."  I did it.  No contact of any kind for six weeks.  I miss my mom.  I like her.  I do love her very much.  I made myself sick at Thanksgiving (beginning of October for us Canadians) because I didn't have her in.  That was the fist time in seven years. I was making myself so sad not speaking to her.   Today I broke down and called her.  She is doing OK.  There is still a bug problem in the apartment and she  still is to see that as a problem.  I actually lasted for almost ten  minutes before I told her that I loved her and rang off. God, this is so hard to do.  She's my mom and I want her safe and clean without living with bugs in a dump. The doctor and one of her case workers told me that it is her choice to live like that and only she can make the choice or not, to change her situation. So, I will speak to her on occasion make sure she is OK and will run errands or whatever if need be for her.  But I will keep my own mental health sane and will not fall back to the spot I was last year, taking extra happy pills (anti depressants) and crying in the shower and car because I felt so helpless concerning moms living situation.  I have got to stand firm in my resolve that she chooses to live like this and I have to learn to just let her be.

AN EARLY GRAVE

My mother is 86 years young and she is a hoarder, or as she say's, a collector. Not a true hoarder in the sense that her life is in danger because you cannot get around in the apartment, but there is stuff / junk / garbage EVERYWHERE!  There is not one surface in her apartment that is not piled with stuff. We, my hubby John, my brother Conrad and his wife Sue  and my sister Alison, otherwise known as 'the kids", would like her to move into a nice retirement home.  Not a nursing home.  Mom does well on her own and does not need that level of care yet.  But in a retirement home, she would have lots of company (she is very social), her room and living areas would be clean, she would not have to cook and there would be people around to keep an eye on her.  She uses a walker, is going deaf and is legally blind. Mom has diabetes which has been giving her real problems over the last few years, and she has heart problems and major problems with her legs.   We worry, constantly, about her falling or having a low sugar drop or having a heart problem when nobody is around.  We all work. I am a half hour drive away from mom's apartment..  Allie is about fifteen minutes away, and Conrad and Sue are five minutes away. I thank God for those two, especially Sue.  She is the one who takes mom grocery shopping, for haircuts and to the pharmacy. She has mom over for supper at least once a week.  I try to be the one to get mom to her doctor's appointments and will go to wherever I am needed as often as I can.  Allie will do whatever she is asked to do but she works really long early (starts at 4AM) hours.  We all try to be good kids. Mom is oblivious to what we, especially what Sue, does for her. It's as if Mom expects us to do whatever for her without question.  She rarely says thanks and doesn't buy a well deserved gift card (for Sue) once in a while.  She does not offer gas money ever.   Grrrrr....she is a very frustrating woman.  She will not clean her apartment.  She lives in a bug infested dump because she refuses to move because she will not spend any more money on rent.  She has the money but she would rather spend it on more junk that she really does not need.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't care what mom buys.  It's her money and she can spend it however she wants.  But we, would like to get her out of the dump and into somewhere nice. All without upsetting her.  We were all at her place last night to try to clean and move stuff as the corporation that owns the building is having a bug company come in to spray.  We threw out massive amounts of  stuff , aka garbage, and did not make much of a dent. Although now you can see the kitchen counter.  I don't know how long that will last.  I give it till Sunday the latest before it is piled with junk again.Mom refused to let us move out the table or clean the 3 cupboards that surround the tale. I will go back Sunday to try to get more done.  The amount of bugs was disgusting.  It didn't seem to matter how many we killed they just kept coming.  I wish the owners would give mom an eviction notice and force her to move.  I think that is the only way out of this situation. We all , love mom very much but there is only so much we can do.  She is very much of sound mind. She is not confused.  She is not dimmed minded.   She is an intelligent woman. She keeps herself clean and well dresses. With all that being said she is also a very stubborn person. She absolutely refuses to see there is a problem living the way she does.  We have had the powers that be come in assess, interview  and work with her.  They say she is a normal senior who is very capable of choosing where and how she lives and how she keeps her living space, hoarding and all. We have no legal recourse.  Our hands are legally tied. All we can do is try to keep her safe  long as we can. We all love her but  our mother will drive us to an early grave.

I hate Swiss cheese!

It has been forever since I have posted anything on my blog.  Every once in a while I think I should go and post this or that, or think this would be a good thing, sad thing, funny thing, stupid thing or interesting thing to post. And then I promptly go to my computer or iPad turn it on  and get side tracked again.  I think I must be part Swiss....cheese that is...in my brain...cause it is  full of holes.  I am on FB now, but I don't tweet, text,  instant message or use my cell phone for anything other than making calls after I have punched in the phone number because I don't know how to put them into or bring them out of  the memory or phone book or whatever it is called.    This shows how my mind does not like new things. I have a hard enough time holding on to the stuff  that is already in there, without adding more stuff to confuse myself even more than I already am.  So although I know I have said it before, I really will try to post more often.  I promise! Now if I could only remember what I was going to talk about when I started this post. SIGH!!  I hate Swiss cheese!

I Won't Sweat The Small Stuff!

The trouble with getting older is not the loss of years, or saying keys when you meant car or saying "I can't think of the word" when you know perfectly well what the word is but you can't spit it out.  Or forgetting where you put what it is you are looking for and can't find. No, those are minor annoyances that you deal with as they happen.  What is really frustrating, to me, is not being able to work with small items as well as I used to.  I feel like my fingers are all thumbs.  They are so clumsy. Hubby John is putting up a new shed.  I help where I can.  I find  trying to hold the small screws and nuts and bolts is not as easy as it used to be.  A touch of arthritis in the hands does not help.  Crafting is still fun but I tend to get frustrated working with the little bits of glimmer, adornments and bling.   I am having to learn to do old things in new ways.  It's a learning process that I have a feeling will be mine from now until the end of my time.  Oh well....if that is the worse that I have to complain about then I guess my life is really good.  So I will throw in my crying towel and quit complaining.  Now,  where did I put my....you know...the thing you plug in that gets hot and sticks stuff together....oh yah,  glue gun.  Grrrr..Not to worry.  It's all good.  I'll just use tape and I won't sweat the small stuff!

Summer's looking good.

Today the office is freezing. My office cohort Sheila,

and myself, are both wearing sweaters and we both keep checking the thermostat to see if it is still working. It is, but Sheila's legs and my toes are still cold. Could it be that we are both getting old? Is this a senior moment for us? We're both too young to have those. Sheila is only 58 and I am the junior at almost 55. THAT'S NOT OLD!!!! Really, when you think about it we are both JUST middle age. Conceivably we both could live to a hundred or more so we each, hopefully, have quite a few more years to go. With that being said, my toes and her legs are both still freezing. I plan on hobbling over to the thermostat one more time and turning up the heat and if my toes haven't fallen off from frost bite I will go out to the kitchen and make myself a nice cup of hot chocolate. If nothing else it will warm up my hands. Sigh.......It's really a shame you know. I like winter. I really do. I like snow. I like the crisp, cold, fresh feeling that you get when you go outside in the winter. I like seeing the snow on the trees and bushes, sparkling and shimmering, making everything look like a winter wonderland in the sunlight or the moonlight. Winter is refreshing and invigorating. Winter renews my spirit. I really do like winter. But today summer's looking really good right now.